Friendship Loneliness

How did I get here? This question is not new to me. I ask it often when it comes to having friends or should I say lack thereof.

 

Like, how did I get to a place in my life that I feel as if I don't have friends or very little? Was it something I did that people no longer want to be my friend? Is it because I relocated back home which puts me further away from those who I once called my ride-or-dies? Is it because I am a mom now and that consumes me? Is it because we just grew apart and that is natural?

 

I have beat myself up over and again about this for quite some time now. It bothers me to my core. So much so, that I dream of my college friends who were once neighbors to me and I saw them every day in college. I never thought I would get to a place where they wouldn't be in my life. Same goes for my hometown friends. I saw us raising families and growing old together.

 

I get that as we grow, we drift. And what was once in our life is maybe no longer meant for us. But I wish that didn't apply to people, not friends. We need friends. We need the ones who are there for us no matter what storm moves in or what victory we want to celebrate.

 

Now I don't want to give you the wrong impression with this episode that I don't have any friends at all because I do have friends. I have a small circle of people that I know are going to be there for me if I ever need them. That no matter how much time passes, we pick back up where we left off. Those are my forever friends. They never let me down. But that doesn't fulfill my need for friendship. I need connection. Someone who wants to talk about dreams and goals. Someone who cares about how my life is going and checks in with me. Someone who randomly texts me with something that made them think of me. I want everyday friends that I can share every day life with.

 

When I moved back to my home town, I had this vision that I would get to see my childhood friends all the time, like the good ole days. That didn't happen. Life took us in different directions and while I'm still friendly with them and love them dearly, we rarely talk unless we bump into each other out and about.

 

My husband on the other hand has a very close knit group of friends. Most of them live near us and they have fun text threads going on daily. So when we moved home, I found myself spending more time with my husband and his friends. Now I need to be very clear here - I love my husbands friends. Them and their wives are super cool humans. They have always been very good to me - but they are my husbands friends. And if you've ever been in this place before then I'm sure you can understand how I feel about this. And maybe this is something I need to get over and work through but hear me out.

 

I want MY friends to spend time with - not just his friends. If you know what I'm saying then drop me a heck yes, would ya? 

 

Anyway, so when I decided to take a break from social media last month, I made a decision to connect more with the people already in my life. I spent so much time seeking like minded people online that I neglected those already in my life. What happened to the old fashion way of nurturing friendships instead of trying to find connection with people online? I think this gets lost upon us now that we are so hyperconnected but sadly disconnected through social media.

 

So I decided to spend more time with those who were ALREADY in my life. The ones who invested time into me, I poured my all into them. I texted more with people that showed an interest in my life. I went out to dinner with a friend. I spent more time checking in with other friends who I care deeply about. I engaged and offered any positivity or insight I could to those who visited my home.

 

I felt like the chains on my heart started lifting. Like I had a few everyday friends that I could talk to and laugh with and fill that void that has been a black hole in my life for some time.

 

My social media break taught me that there is so much life to live off of social media. And while I could talk about my time spent with family, I wanted to focus this episode on friends.

 

I am no expert in this area as I'm still navigating it but wanted to give a few insights as to what has helped me this last month to not feel so friendship lonely.

 

1. Connect more with those who are already in your life. This means the people who you may not talk to everyday but still catch up with from time to time. Reach out to them. Check in and see how they are doing. Give them a call or send a quick text.

 

2. Journal. Journaling helped me to identify this whole ahah moment. It wasn't until the second to last day of my social break that I realized I felt like I had that friend connection more than I've felt in a long time. Spend some time with your thoughts. Dig into your feelings and why you may feel the way you do.

 

3. Disconnect from social media. Stop looking to people online for friendship. While this is very much possible, it can also deepen the void with the friendships you already have. Learning to reach out and connect without seeing what they are up to via social media has a much great power.

 

If you've ever felt lonely in the friendship department, I wanna hear your story. Feel free to send me an email at [email protected] and use the subject line Friendship Loneliness. Or be sure to hop on my email list so we can become email besties.

 

From my heart to yours, I'm always sending you love.